What did we do last night that was yellow?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
