Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
