he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
