I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
