I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She even gives head with a lisp.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
