I'm eating all of the evidence.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
