I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
