Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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