the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize