saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
