Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
