I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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