So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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