he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
