I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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