You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
