I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He passed out mid-signature
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
