am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
