and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
