did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
