my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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