i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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