I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
