i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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