Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
