I love black thongs
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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