So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
...so i touched it.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
