he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
