let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
