Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
