She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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