My sheets look like a crime scene.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
