At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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