im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Shame is for Republicans.
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