Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
