The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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