Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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