just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She's like a pop up book from hell.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
