I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
