Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
