I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
