dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
