I think my fart just growled at me.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
