i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
