I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
