So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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