Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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