Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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