is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
