guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
