I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
