The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
