Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
