i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize