I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
