his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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