That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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