I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
