went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
