I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
