my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
