I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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