Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
