One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
