I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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