I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
