I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize