After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
