I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
