The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
false alarm. still invincible.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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