either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
