She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
