So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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