her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
