Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
