I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
