can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
