Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
