How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize