you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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