The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Randomize
