halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
