From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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