I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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