I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
