dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
