wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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