I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
i think im in europe. pls send help
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
