Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
