JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize