I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
