It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
