Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
