I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
