Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize