if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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