oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
