I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
