Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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