you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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