he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
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