I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
