i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
i think my cat just said my name.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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